Fathers are one of the most responsible personalities in this world. One who takes responsibility is likely to be called as father. Despite the challenges faced in office, they carry a smile on face. On surface some are totally detached but on the flip side more connected.
On getting the first salary in hand realization heavily strikes. Might feel ashamed, for crying, for being adamant to get the Kitchen set or the Car right away at the end of the month or during crucial financial times.
While buying anything, say when spending from own pocket one tend to do an analysis on the contents of the product. I have done this. For example, Vicco turmeric. Sans sandal costs one price and the other is of different price. But when you ask father to choose based on price, he asks to go with heart and doesn’t see the price tag. While he presents a hundi to teach the power of savings, he ensures to teach the value of money. Often asks to save 1/6th of salary at the same time spends selflessly for his children.
If selfless spending with lots of love is a course, fathers are the gurus.
To such selfless souls who motivates to lead a practical life, full of love, Happy Father’s day.
“Most things are good, and they are the strongest things; but there are evil things too, and you are not doing a child a favor by trying to shield him from reality. The important thing is to teach a child that good can always triumph over evil.” –Walt Disney
The third post on #NoMoreMeToo. This is all about upbringing of children. One of the difficult and exhaustive one is parenting! Running behind the child for feeding, playing is exhaustive and as you see the child smiling at you, it is all worth it! The difference between the current and the yester generation is that, the yester generation grew up. With today’s technological developments, the current generation has to be brought up!
Years back, screen was an unknown element. Now it it is almost the way of life. There are new parenting glichtes and it all requires new techniques to handle the same.
What #MeToo or #NoMoreMeToo has with Upbringing?
Parents play a pivotal role in setting a good, safe environment for the children. So, it is the duty of every parent to have an eye on the child’s growth and curiosity.
At your home you may streamline, have a better routine, give an open space, cut the screen time or have no screen time at all for your child but other children may have different kind of parenting. So, one can control only what is in one’s control! Hence, making children understand on digital spaces, routine and private parts in essential. And to be honest the last one can feel awkward. Here, the post concentrates on the sexual talk.
Though awkward, it can happen through regular communication with children. Slowly can tell about what is good in touch, in seeing, in hearing. Because abuse can be of any form. Child Psychology says that even before they go to school, children would start to explore their bodies.
Many people speak about Adult-Child abuse but along with that child – child curiosity should also be addressed. No touching other than parents, grandparents should be the norm. Even if that is uncomfortable, there should be an open space to voice the same. Most young children will be curious about their bodies and also the bodies of children of opposite sex.
Similarly, When some other children seem to intrude in your children’s personal space, it is a must to speak with your child in an assuring way because only then the child would be open for communication in the coming years! Else the child would become secretive which could be dangerous for their growth, adding more trouble for us, the parents!
Even after all the precautions, when your child is subjected to threat or abuse, being calm and helping them divert their mindset will help them heal. Loving them unconditionally will help them lead a happy life. Till they understand that they will have a chance to explore sex with love, as a part of life, we as parents should be their fall backs. We have to build trust, a rock solid foundation. The child should believe that ‘Whatever happens when I tell my parents they will hear with calm mind’. Such a blind trust can make parenting easier! And the bond will be the strongest!
Treat children like plants! Allow them to blossom and grow. Take care and water them love and set the environment right. Because when a plant doesn’t grow, the environment should be fixed. It is not the plant’s fault after all! Positive parenting in communication, attitude, showing love is the key for winning our children’s hearts! Winning heart is a great deed. Winning children’s heart is an accomplishment to be cherished and a rare treasure!
This is the second post on Sexual assault awareness. The first one is on healing from traumatic past. This post concentrates on how to defend such an assault or abuse to reach the state of #NoMoreMeToo. The post mainly concentrates on teenagers.
Recently, have been speaking with few volunteers on self defense. This made me to do some research on the same. Came across the below quote on Self defense during the research. It gave me a whole new perspective of the issue in hand.
“Self Defense is not just a set of techniques; it is a state of mind and it begins with the belief that you are worth defending” – Rorion Gracie.
This quote revealed me that some people don’t even know that one can defend themselves from such an abuse or assault. That’s really concerning to know, realise and is worrisome upon understanding.
It’s time to take up self defense seriously and make it part of learning. Our girls should be taught skills on self defense. They should be taught that they are worth defending. They should also be taught the different forms of abuse. Sometimes abuse could be physical. Sometimes emotional. So, self defense should be holistic.
When I was a school going girl, there was this belief that girls who learn self defense would start losing their feminity! This is untrue. But it’s the duty of every parent to ensure that their Girls understand the difference of being a girl and using self defense without falling into the pit of fake feminism or becoming a Femi Nazi. It is all in teaching the balance.
Similarly parents should ensure that their Boys learn that girls are equals and not a threat for their success. Should teach them that masculinity doesn’t mean they are superior folks and can cause harm to girls. Should make them understand the need for personal space for themselves and respect the space of girls.
On a global scale, there should be a change in thought process from grass root levels on gender roles. Cooking, cleaning should be taught that these are life skills and gender doesn’t have a role to play. This will shift the chauvinism mindset to equality mindset.
There are some curious teenagers who would like to explore their own bodies and the bodies of opposite gender. This will be for children below ten as well. Which will be dealt in the next post. Here for the curious case, there should be an open space at home to ask questions about sex and body parts so that they don’t search them outside. Should tell and make them understand the roles of body parts and how sacred sex is! Having a friendly communication always with teens helps because that is the age they would get hooked in the confusion of love, lust, crush etc. Their puberty plays a crucial role.
With friendly communication, Teens would eventually realise that they will get a person who will put respect first, then understand each other, fall in love and they can become intimate. This will change their perspective of sex forever. Such children will ensure a happy family is created through and by them.
Apart from physical and emotional abuse, these days there is cyber abuse. Call it virtual but emotional. Physical can be defended. Emotional abuse need to be identified in the first place and then should strengthen one’s mind to not to fall prey for the same. Cyber abuse mostly happens when the trust on the virtual person is blind and when one hasn’t taken enough steps to know the online privacy settings.
Not just teenagers, even adults get caught on lust online without their knowledge when they do not have enough self love! Pollachi case and the recent tiktok cases are classic examples for the same. So new perspective and understanding required in sensitive matters with the advent of technology. Concentrating on Minute aspects and taking baby steps towards the same can help us in the long run in the upbringing of next gen people.
Let people understand that only with the balance in Yin and Yang energy a family can live happily. World’s saddest sight is to see our children suffer. Without being informed on sex and self defense our children will either suffer in silence or make others suffer in silence which spoils the liveliness of our families. When we fail to teach our boys on personal space and freedom we may fail to give good fathers for this society and when we fail to teach girls on self worth and self love, we fail to give bold and caring mothers to our society. We are in a responsible position to teach them the balance.
So, their self defense should include
Creating and protecting a personal, both physical and emotional space for themselves.
Teaching them that they should be treated well in any situation. Either when alone or when in groups, should be respected and treated the same way.
Making them understand that it is okay to tell No and retaliate when something defying their security is about to happen.
Self help is the best help.
Standing up for themselves
Through knowledge on online portals and using it with lot of modesty and with caution.
These would prepare their mind and they will be aware of such happenings and also know how to defend themselves in such situations and guard them.
As stated earlier, as we give a safe environment physically, emotionally, psychologically for our children they in turn will create happy families when they grow up!