Prayers and Unexpressed Gratitude

Ever felt sad or guilty for not conveying your gratitude to someone? 

It has happened to me quite a few times. Like I have missed conveying my heartfelt thanks to the person who helped me at the right moment. 

Whenever I see the following quote I just drown in the pool of guilt. 

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”

William Arthur Ward

I initially thought I can write this during Thanksgiving or Maatu Pongal but then thought it’s already delayed. So plunged to write about this soon with no further delay. 

There are quite a few incidents in this list.

To begin with I would like to quote my recent encounter. This one is actually 10 months old. This happened during my labour. 

I did not write much about my labour or pregnancy but I always wanted to share the life lessons that I learnt. But either I had no mood or I was in search of words to describe. 

I was in the hospital for 3 days before delivery. I had contractions but they weren’t so intensive so as to deliver the baby. I was induced because of low water level but the pain was moderate and consistent throughout. On the 4th day, I was again induced through drips. Pain was intense! My husband and amma were there for my support. But when they needed a break there was a nurse beside me who was holding my hands and was smiling and encouraging me throughout. Throughout labour Doctors monitor the child’s heart beat. The pain was intense but if I moved my legs I felt relaxed. But whenever I moved, the baby’s heart beat dipped. That was when that nurse gave her hand for me to hold. She was gently patting my hands throughout. After her duty she wished me good luck and left. 

I was in pain and was then taken by the series of events. In my subsequent visits I didn’t meet her. I wasn’t in a position to make a note of her name as well. 

One can say it’s her duty to take care of patients. But doing things from the heart is a rare trait. Though one gets paid it doesn’t have to be from the heart. 

I really wish I met her in my later visit to the hospital and conveyed her my thanks. Better late than never. Thank you so much! I believe that the universe carries my gratitude message to her and protects her. She always has a special place in my daily prayers. 

I seriously wish not to miss the chance to thank someone. 

How penting up negative emotions will have its own side effects. Similarly, penting up positive emotions stops blessings coming your way. To have a better mood, better lifestyle, more peace, go ahead and convey your gratitude. Especially those unuttered gratitude. They will pave the way for more blessings. 

A 5-1 Kolam decorated with lamps to offer prayers

Sometimes people pray to offer something to god to succeed in tasks. Eventually, people may also forget. They might face some hurdles in subsequent tasks and gets reminded about the prayer and offer it to god. 

Here, it doesn’t mean that God expects gifts or offers to shower his abundant blessings. It is to make us understand the power of giving and being grateful. 

So, If you wish to convey your thanks to someone and he or she is in your radar do not miss the chance. You may not get one more chance. 

Be open. Say THANKS and attract blessings your way. 

Regards,

Rukmini

Reference: 

Image from Brainy Quote 

Father’s Day

Fathers are one of the most responsible personalities in this world. One who takes responsibility is likely to be called as father. Despite the challenges faced in office, they carry a smile on face. On surface some are totally detached but on the flip side more connected.

On getting the first salary in hand realization heavily strikes. Might feel ashamed, for crying, for being adamant to get the Kitchen set or the Car right away at the end of the month or during crucial financial times.

Father holding his baby. – Photo from pexels

While buying anything, say when spending from own pocket one tend to do an analysis on the contents of the product. I have done this. For example, Vicco turmeric. Sans sandal costs one price and the other is of different price. But when you ask father to choose based on price, he asks to go with heart and doesn’t see the price tag. While he presents a hundi to teach the power of savings, he ensures to teach the value of money. Often asks to save 1/6th of salary at the same time spends selflessly for his children.

If selfless spending with lots of love is a course, fathers are the gurus.

To such selfless souls who motivates to lead a practical life, full of love, Happy Father’s day.

With Love,

Rukmini

International Labour Day 2020

This labour day, it’s a special tribute for all the doctors, sanitary workers, in general for all the front line warriors! This Conora is teaching various lessons especially in terms of discipline of cleanliness!

Take ‘Self-Hygiene’, it sounds fancy and cool. Thanks to phonetics. But it takes a huge amount of repetitive tasks to achieve the discipline. Ask yourself. How many of you felt bored or irritated when someone instructed to wash hands when you went to nearby shop to buy Essentials and came back? How many of you felt anger surging when someone asked you to close your mouth and cough? You would have argued at least once trying to prove that you do not have corona and why should one close mouth unnecessarily? How many felt lazy to wash hands after rubbing eyes? How many of you felt difficult wearing hand kerchief while stepping out to buy essentials?

It all seem simple. But could have felt Boring, irritating, lazy at least at one point. See the bigger picture behind it’s all for our safety still we find it difficult and want to lament about these steps which would save lives.

Think of the doctors, nurses, lab workers! Wearing PPE in scorching May. Chennai is humid and even imagining Nylon over skin one can feel the heat and itch. PPE over body is beyond imagination! In that dress, they can’t drink water! Again, it’s summer. Normally, doctors recommend to drink sufficient water to keep dehydration at bay. But now they are prone to corona, dehydration and stress of increasing corona cases! Above all their freedom of movement is restricted than the normal population. Self quarantine after working in Corona ward.

Next the sanitary workers. Even in normal days they deal with the waste of other people. Many people find it difficult at their own home to segregate the dry and wet waste; bio degradable and the non bio degradable wastes which is categorically their waste! Few people detest the work for the fact. But sometimes could see these people happily doing the cleaning process!

Then, the Police Department. They are prone to corona, stress, irritation of people who come out unnecessarily and often. Think about the direct sun that they are exposed to! Again the dehydration, sun stroke and what not!

From Go Daddy stock photos

Despite lock down, farmers and vendors toil to bring food for all, risking their lives to fill people’s stomach! If there is food on your table do not forget to thank a farmer and all who helped to bring it to you, just when you are hungry!

I find this International Labour Day more emotional! I hope many people also feel the same!

Whenever you go to kitchen take a glass of water, casually and drink to quench your thirst, remember how it would be for the fellow human being, being out there as a front line warrior controlling his thirst! As you happily pee, remember their urge to control the natural call! It’s a sacrifice beyond one could imagine! The only prayer that one could pray for all these first line, second line warriors is to wash hands, be socially distant and stay home! As we do these repetitively without succumbing to laziness, remember that we are actually helping, allowing the front line warriors to have a cup of water in the middle of work soon! And that could be the greatest thing you could do to your fellow dweller on this planet!

Wash hands! Stay save! Let the front line warriors drink water in their white coat soon!

Lets salutes all Corona Warriors on International Labour Day!

With Love,
Rukmini P Kirthivasan

#NoMoreMeToo – Part 3 – The Upbringing

โ€œMost things are good, and they are the strongest things; but there are evil things too, and you are not doing a child a favor by trying to shield him from reality. The important thing is to teach a child that good can always triumph over evil.โ€ โ€“Walt Disney

The third post on #NoMoreMeToo. This is all about upbringing of children. One of the difficult and exhaustive one is parenting! Running behind the child for feeding, playing is exhaustive and as you see the child smiling at you, it is all worth it! The difference between the current and the yester generation is that, the yester generation grew up. With today’s technological developments, the current generation has to be brought up!

Years back, screen was an unknown element. Now it it is almost the way of life. There are new parenting glichtes and it all requires new techniques to handle the same.

What #MeToo or #NoMoreMeToo has with Upbringing?

Parents play a pivotal role in setting a good, safe environment for the children. So, it is the duty of every parent to have an eye on the child’s growth and curiosity.

Image Courtesy : Pexels.com

At your home you may streamline, have a better routine, give an open space, cut the screen time or have no screen time at all for your child but other children may have different kind of parenting. So, one can control only what is in one’s control! Hence, making children understand on digital spaces, routine and private parts in essential. And to be honest the last one can feel awkward. Here, the post concentrates on the sexual talk.

Though awkward, it can happen through regular communication with children. Slowly can tell about what is good in touch, in seeing, in hearing. Because abuse can be of any form. Child Psychology says that even before they go to school, children would start to explore their bodies.

Many people speak about Adult-Child abuse but along with that child – child curiosity should also be addressed. No touching other than parents, grandparents should be the norm. Even if that is uncomfortable, there should be an open space to voice the same. Most young children will be curious about their bodies and also the bodies of children of opposite sex.

Similarly, When some other children seem to intrude in your children’s personal space, it is a must to speak with your child in an assuring way because only then the child would be open for communication in the coming years! Else the child would become secretive which could be dangerous for their growth, adding more trouble for us, the parents!

Even after all the precautions, when your child is subjected to threat or abuse, being calm and helping them divert their mindset will help them heal. Loving them unconditionally will help them lead a happy life. Till they understand that they will have a chance to explore sex with love, as a part of life, we as parents should be their fall backs. We have to build trust, a rock solid foundation. The child should believe that ‘Whatever happens when I tell my parents they will hear with calm mind’. Such a blind trust can make parenting easier! And the bond will be the strongest!

Treat children like plants! Allow them to blossom and grow. Take care and water them love and set the environment right. Because when a plant doesn’t grow, the environment should be fixed. It is not the plant’s fault after all! Positive parenting in communication, attitude, showing love is the key for winning our children’s hearts! Winning heart is a great deed. Winning children’s heart is an accomplishment to be cherished and a rare treasure!

Happy Parenting!

With Love,
Rukmini P Kirthivasan

#NoMoreMeToo – Part 2 – The Defense

Hello Folks,

This is the second post on Sexual assault awareness. The first one is on healing from traumatic past. This post concentrates on how to defend such an assault or abuse to reach the state of #NoMoreMeToo. The post mainly concentrates on teenagers.

Recently, have been speaking with few volunteers on self defense. This made me to do some research on the same. Came across the below quote on Self defense during the research. It gave me a whole new perspective of the issue in hand.

“Self Defense is not just a set of techniques; it is a state of mind and it begins with the belief that you are worth defending” – Rorion Gracie.

This quote revealed me that some people don’t even know that one can defend themselves from such an abuse or assault. That’s really concerning to know, realise and is worrisome upon understanding.

It’s time to take up self defense seriously and make it part of learning. Our girls should be taught skills on self defense. They should be taught that they are worth defending. They should also be taught the different forms of abuse. Sometimes abuse could be physical. Sometimes emotional. So, self defense should be holistic.

When I was a school going girl, there was this belief that girls who learn self defense would start losing their feminity! This is untrue. But it’s the duty of every parent to ensure that their Girls understand the difference of being a girl and using self defense without falling into the pit of fake feminism or becoming a Femi Nazi. It is all in teaching the balance.

Similarly parents should ensure that their Boys learn that girls are equals and not a threat for their success. Should teach them that masculinity doesn’t mean they are superior folks and can cause harm to girls. Should make them understand the need for personal space for themselves and respect the space of girls.

Know about the privacy settings online for your safety! – Picture from Go Daddy stock photos.

On a global scale, there should be a change in thought process from grass root levels on gender roles. Cooking, cleaning should be taught that these are life skills and gender doesn’t have a role to play. This will shift the chauvinism mindset to equality mindset.

There are some curious teenagers who would like to explore their own bodies and the bodies of opposite gender. This will be for children below ten as well. Which will be dealt in the next post. Here for the curious case, there should be an open space at home to ask questions about sex and body parts so that they don’t search them outside. Should tell and make them understand the roles of body parts and how sacred sex is! Having a friendly communication always with teens helps because that is the age they would get hooked in the confusion of love, lust, crush etc. Their puberty plays a crucial role.

With friendly communication, Teens would eventually realise that they will get a person who will put respect first, then understand each other, fall in love and they can become intimate. This will change their perspective of sex forever. Such children will ensure a happy family is created through and by them.

Apart from physical and emotional abuse, these days there is cyber abuse. Call it virtual but emotional. Physical can be defended. Emotional abuse need to be identified in the first place and then should strengthen one’s mind to not to fall prey for the same. Cyber abuse mostly happens when the trust on the virtual person is blind and when one hasn’t taken enough steps to know the online privacy settings.

Not just teenagers, even adults get caught on lust online without their knowledge when they do not have enough self love! Pollachi case and the recent tiktok cases are classic examples for the same.
So new perspective and understanding required in sensitive matters with the advent of technology. Concentrating on Minute aspects and taking baby steps towards the same can help us in the long run in the upbringing of next gen people.

Let people understand that only with the balance in Yin and Yang energy a family can live happily. World’s saddest sight is to see our children suffer. Without being informed on sex and self defense our children will either suffer in silence or make others suffer in silence which spoils the liveliness of our families. When we fail to teach our boys on personal space and freedom we may fail to give good fathers for this society and when we fail to teach girls on self worth and self love, we fail to give bold and caring mothers to our society. We are in a responsible position to teach them the balance.

So, their self defense should include

  • Creating and protecting a personal, both physical and emotional space for themselves.
  • Teaching them that they should be treated well in any situation. Either when alone or when in groups, should be respected and treated the same way.
  • Making them understand that it is okay to tell No and retaliate when something defying their security is about to happen.
  • Self help is the best help.
  • Standing up for themselves
  • Through knowledge on online portals and using it with lot of modesty and with caution.

These would prepare their mind and they will be aware of such happenings and also know how to defend themselves in such situations and guard them.

As stated earlier, as we give a safe environment physically, emotionally, psychologically for our children they in turn will create happy families when they grow up!

Remember?

Happy Families make a Happy Society.

After all, together we are one big family!

Loads of Love to one and all.

Rukmini P Kirthivasan

#NoMoreMeToo – Part 1 – The Healing

Hello Folks,

April is Sexual assault awareness month! So I thought of penning down on #NoMoreMeToo in a brief series. Part one is about the healing process that is essential for anyone with traumatic past. Please read the part 1 here and let me know your thoughts on healing.

Over an year #MeToo has given so much awareness on sexual assault and abuse. It has spoken about the pain of all victims. Though all haven’t spoken out, people like Chinmayi Sripadha have been an inspiration to speak out the pains and wounds and that has made a huge impact in the mind set of people! At least few girls have mustered up some courage to voice their discomfort without any guilt.

The post is about healing after a traumatic incident. It has few tips to handle oneself after such a terrible incident! Disclaimer: I am no medical expert in counseling. The post is intended to create awareness only.

When it comes to sexual assault, don’t know why the victim feels bad but the offender is guilt free and a free bird. The offender in general has an upper hand, able to boldly dictate terms to the victim. It is because of the fear of the victim and the thought that the victim has committed a mistake, such happenings continue. This being sexual assault awareness month, it’s time to become aware of the victim mindset and change it for good. Time to become empowered.

Running from oneself when emotions come up after an assault is going to make things worse for victims. One needs to sit and process all the emotions that come up after an assault. For few it would be triggered time and again and would haunt people beyond imagination. If you are an adult and you have terrific past, start your healing journey.

Healing can happen through Journaling. – Picture from Go Daddy Stock of Photos

The incident could be random in bus and was not able to spot the person. The offender is someone you know but he had died. But you are still suffering in silence. This is like being splashed by drainage water by a speeding car on road as you walk. Though it’s his mistake, we got to clean ourselves for our sanity. If you leave the dirt unwashed, you have to scratch and clean for a longer time. Healing is the only way not to lick the wound longer. Forgiveness is the key. It could be hard but this is worth as it costs your peace and you would stop trembling once and for all.

So, empowering oneself after a traumatic past one needs a lot of courage to face oneself. The following could help in your healing journey.

  1. Being your journey with crying out. Feel all those emotions. And in the process remember that the mistake is not yours.
  2. Give some time to grieve.
  3. Talk to your loved ones.
  4. Pamper yourself like you would take care of your child after it fell on the ground and is hurt.
  5. If you feel it’s pressing beyond what you can handle, seek professional help!
  6. If you fear of being judged, talk to unknown persons through forums.
  7. Above all, take care of your body. It would store the memories longer than one can imagine.
  8. Journal and heal. The difficult emotions will leave you gradually.

Remember your worth. You are worthy of peace and happiness. With positive self talk, good amount of self love, being bold, one can slowly become empowered.

#NoMoreMeToo in real sense means not just no more traumatic incidents. It also means healing completely from such incidents and not trembling anymore. Remember scars do heal not just wounds.

Let’s create a better place for our children. In the process remember to heal your inner child as well! Because to have a happy environment at home one has to be happy and subsequently radiate happiness.

Together let’s create a better tomorrow!

More love to one and all!

Regards,
Rukmini P Kirthivasan
Happy Indian Family

Happy Sarvari

Kolam for Vishu

Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born. – Dale Turner

This day, the start of Solar Calendar. It is celebrated all across India in various names! Though we are physically distant, could feel everyone is praying for each others’ well being and wishing that normalcy to be restored soon. This pandemic is new to this century! No standard operating procedures and no prior crisis handling experience for people of this century! So let’s be with the Government, stay at our place, follow what ever is said!

Stay Home. Stay Safe and lets make our happy Indian families healthier. Because when health is lost something is definitely lost! Being locked down let’s dream and imagine about a bright future! Start small with imagining a normal day, plan for your dream trip. Just by this passing phase let’s not stop our imagination. Think about what all can go right. This can help to have a good mental health.

This is a new beginning and let’s believe that tomorrow will be a better day!

Happy Indian Family wishes all a very Happy New Year. ๐Ÿ˜Š

With Love,
Rukmini P Kirthivasan
Happy Indian Family

What is Corona teaching us?

For the past few days the buzzing word all around the globe is ‘Corona’. The news is everywhere. Fake news are equally spreading. And more than the virus, panic is all around. The thing that is seen is people getting lost in panic and they aren’t concentrating on precautions. To put it in a better fashion there are more reactions to each of the posts on Facebook and innumerable whats app messages but when it comes to action it’s zero. 

Two days back I went out to buy essentials to a shop. People had been discussing on the virus outbreak. As the discussion continued; various comments and suggestions came up. There was this comment. “Nambha Ooru la lam Koozh aanalum Kulithu Kudi, Kandhai Aanalum Kasaki kattu apidi dhan solluvanga. [There are proverbs which says one has to have a bath even if he/she is having only porridge and wash clothes and wear even if they are torn.]  Now this virus has come and teaching us the same.” And that particular man coughed with no handkerchief or tissue and did not cover his mouth. Next person spoke about cleanliness. “Sutham Soru Podum nu andha kalathulayae solli vechurukanga”. [Cleanliness serves food on table.] He coughed covering his mouth just with hands and then he started packing things for another customer. And together they were mocking the coughing ringtone.

Next I was at a medical store to grab my hand sanitizer. A lady came and asked the pharmacist for a cough syrup which is around 40 Rs. The pharmacist said all cough syrups are above 50 Rs. Coughing she left the place telling ‘Na enna Pannuven’. Was in Q to pay and before could ask her to go to Primary health center or ask for her whereabouts she vanished. (2 other people tried to get to know about her as well).

Picture from Insider. Source: CDC

So, are we really getting the lessons from this communicable disease?? It is teaching us personal hygiene. It is not about whether ‘Tamilan oru ariviyal munnodi’ [Tamilians are the forerunners of Science] or not. That is not the debate now. It is all about how he is now. The same person who keeps his home clean doesn’t help the society with his solid waste management. The same person who speaks about personal hygiene serves food with the right hand as he is eating in group. Note: Without spoon, I say. The same person who is proud of his great grandfathers for their personal hygiene doesn’t wash legs after using the restroom or clean the place where he ate spitting curry leaves. 

This is the current situation. Many research analysts fear the repeat of 1918 flu which hit us in two phases. One affecting sick and elderly; in second phase affecting the young and dynamic ones. It is time to get the lessons of personal hygiene right. 

And one of the major drawbacks is with older people. It is hard to convince them with personal hygiene. They say “Enaku Onnum Varardhu. Andha kalathula sanitizer vecha kaikazhuvinen. Ennala andha virus ku edhuvum aagama irundha seri”. [I wouldn’t get this. Did I use sanitizer before? Wish the virus escapes from me.] So could see the preparedness level with these people. The population using internet is less. It’s high time Govt educate all with campaigns and it is individual responsibility to take care of oneself and cooperate with Govt. We are in dire need of sanitizers, disinfectants in public places. Please spray disinfectants as you do for mosquitoes. 

With precautions, health care facilities won’t run out. If not it could be a problem for all of us. Let’s be safe and let others be safe as well. Take care of yourself and take care of your families. And remember together we are one big family. 

Happy Indian Family advises all to take necessary precautions and educate your local people who have no idea about the internet.

With Care,

Rukmini P Kirthivasan

References:

https://www.livemint.com/news/world/why-1918-matters-in-india-s-corona-war/amp-11584033795146.html

Happy Pongal

This is one of the awesome festivals in India. This festival is all about respecting nature and it’s abundance! It is celebrated all over India but in different names!

Let’s worship the visible God ‘The Sun’ to give good yields this year and pray for the well being of all farmers! Let’s take a moment to thank all farmers for all the food we have eaten these many years and for all that we are going to eat in the coming years!


Photo by Darwis Alwan from Pexels

Pongal is more close to nature compared to all other festivals as it is an agricultural festival. In previous days oxen played a predominant role in agriculture. Though tractors have replaced oxen the species still play a vital role in the ecological pyramid and for all milk she has been giving, cows the second mother from different species! Not just cows all animals play a predominant role in the ecological pyramid and for the well being of society! 

Tomorrow being Mattu Pongal, a day where we thank all the bulls, cows, goats etc. Let’s take a moment to remember all those animals that have lost their lives in Amazon and Australian fire! They have been playing a crucial role in the ecological pyramid and now we are missing them!

Photo by Sabel Blanco from Pexels

Let’s pray the almighty for a safer world where there is a win-win situation for all the dwellers of this Earth! Together let’s live happily as one big family! 

By being by the side of nature we give the best place for the coming generations! 

Happy Indian Family wishes a very Happy Pongal! ๐Ÿ™‚

Regards,

Rukmini P Kirthivasan

The Year Of Dreams To Actions

Dreams are not what you see in sleep. They are the things that do not let you sleep. – Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam.

In my 3rd Standard or 4th Standard there was a lesson in English called ‘2005’. It is about an automated house. But it has no dwellers. It is programmed to do things on time! At 8 AM in the morning it will toast bread. Table comes out in the living room and shuffles cards for 4 for a rummy game. A bathroom automatically gears up for a bath of dog. And many other things are programmed in that house. In the streets as well there are no people! In the epilogue the author says that by 2005 there are going to be no people! All would have died and only machines stay till their batteries die out!

Sorry. I vaguely remember the epilogue. But ultimately there would be no human race on Earth! That is how the author concludes!

Next in the 2009, there came a movie 2012. It is all about world coming to an end. Earth crust becoming unstable after solar flare and only the millionaires are warned and common people are left out. In the series of events finally the only landmass that remains is Africa.

We also get to hear about ‘Pralayam’ where world is likely to get submerged in Water! And people tell it happens part by part and doesn’t happen in one stretch. The above book or movie is all about negative aspect. But 2020 has a different vision even before the year came into an existence.

Would like call this year as ‘The Year Of Abdul Kalam’ or ‘The Year Of Dreams to Actions’. Despite people speaking about destruction, negative aspects, problems, blame shifting; Dr. Abdul Kalam showed people to shift focus to construction, positivity, solutions and taking responsibility of a situation in his book where he visioned about 2020 – India as a developed nation!

Image Courtesy: Internet

He proved that being positive would give only positive effects for ourselves and our society. Just a look back on his death ceremony. People from all over India came to attend the ceremony but there was no chaos. People worked for one more day as a mark of respect. People silently paid tribute! But when other leaders pass(ed) away, a fear is seen rather respect. People stay at home fearing some chaos. But for the people’s president one could spot only love and respect flowing all over! That shows the kind of thought process, positive energy with which he carried himself and radiated around!

So, this year 2020, it’s time to take his vision forward professionally and personally subsequently taking our country to great heights! Let’s take better care of ourselves, family and automatically we will have time to take care of our nation! Let’s be one big Happy Family!

Wishing you all a very happy new year 2020. ๐Ÿ˜Š

With Love,

Rukmini P Kirthivasan