The new series that I mentioned in the month of January 2020 is finally here. With the little girl and my own postpartum recovery took some time to actualise my thoughts. Ie,. To put in writing! Finally the series – “Marriages are made in heaven” is here.
Finding the idiom spiritual?
Read on the series to know the real meaning of the idiom “Marriages are made in heaven”. It’s about how to get ready for your big day. And the relationship lessons that one acquires in due course, until he/she gets married. The posts will be related to experiences that shape us, the beliefs that we pick up and the pattern that we develop.
It is likely to cover our learnings with respect to relationships and may be an eye opener to let us know where and how to unlearn. Just an attempt to help people to get ready for the big day!
The series is an attempt to create some awareness on the marriage process in India and to create happy families by combating Matrimonial Stress in a better way!
I am neither a psychologist nor a life coach. I just want to pen my thoughts regarding the matrimonial phase. Personally, I have got some experience in this regard and with limited awareness on the Matrimonial process my productivity got hit! So I would like to share about the stages in a motive to help people!
Keep supporting people! Your comments are valuable!
Let me just define Matrimonial Stress in my own words. Matrimonial stress means the stress that one undergoes in their marriageable age because of the pressure on oneself due to the marriage process.
In the post, I would like to speak about the stress in the semi-arranged marriage process.
Are you in your marriageable age?
Just read on.
Being in a helpless state where your productivity is hit just because of your matrimonial process.
Ever been in this position?
On one side you have loads of work at office. Your manager is asking for the status report or projection for the next month but your head is pounding with questions of parents, relatives, distant relatives and you see your ex is married, you have been rejected yesterday by a prospective match. All these are running non stop in your head and you feel drained.
You are physically present but mentally feeling down because of the complicated process of semi arranged marriage.
Believe me, everyone was there before. Just that people aren’t sharing. Especially people feel it’s bad to share such emotions and fear that they will be judged.
And if at all you share you get various answers and it’s all overwhelming to assimilate. Some people simply tell, this too shall pass on and it’s just irritating for you.
Another one says Why to get married?.
Next person takes classes on how to speak with a girl or guy and is a playboy.
And some people just ask you to concentrate on what outfits to buy on your big day! Meh!
You feel these emotions are pressing you hard and you want to badly get rid of it. But you feel that there is no other way.
And there is another set of people who don’t want to feel emotions at all. They simply run from all emotions. And for such people it becomes even more difficult to handle this matrimonial stress. They simply evade and run away from all sorts of emotions.
This phase is the difficult one. The emotions one had faced before are totally different from those that one faces in this phase.
For the first time one has to face an enormous amount of emotions at once. Being single, it could be easy to handle work and life. As the marriage process starts many other things come up.
Especially various emotions come to surface. Emotional lessons aren’t like the bookish lessons. They are complex. It’s a transition stage from single to mingle and any transition stage is difficult to cross.
Emotions are the important teachers. They come to teach the lessons, in a phase that are just required for us. As we acknowledge them, they unfold beautifully and take us to the next stage. Feeling emotions in general could be overwhelming for all of us. During this pre marriage phase it could be absolutely daunting.
This stress is common in this phase of life. The point is no one prepares us for this phase of life. In India, people equip themselves and others intellectually but no one teaches about emotions. Speaking about emotions is considered unnecessary and expressing them is considered as a sign of weakness. But the truth is our life revolves around emotions. And we hit the rock bottom as we aren’t prepared for this phase.
So ultimately, you feel like you want to get married but don’t want to go through this process. And many people aren’t comfortable with love marriage as well due to various personal reasons. So one has to go through this process by facing these emotions if you want to be happily married.
Emotions are complicated when it gets accumulated. Human beings are social animals. If we take emotions out of us we are no more! Only instances when we feel intense emotions reveal that we are humans! They tell us we are alive! But the hack is in handling the roller coaster ride like a boss without letting our productivity hit!
A relationship is nothing but a mirror of who you are. So the best way to keep going in the matrimonial phase is to consistently know yourself. As you know yourself, your needs, your expectations from your partner, you can attract a suitable better half! If you are confused, you see a lot of confused people around. Even if you are clear you could still see a lot of confused people but you wouldn’t get confused because of them. You will stand apart!
The only way to stand on the ground and manage the onslaught of various emotional triggers during this period is to prepare ourselves for the ride and the destination. The key is in knowing ourselves. Analyse the emotional lessons that you had acquired so far in your life to create the life that you always wanted.
Happy Matrimony! 😊
Stay tuned to Happy Indian Family for more posts on Matrimonial Stress Management!
All families resonate with the frequency of mother. Their emotions can make an impact on all in the family. Such is their power of emotions.
Even during pregnancy all advice to keep calm and enjoy those 10 months because a mother’s state of mind greatly influences child growth. Numerous researches prove that Happy Mother = Healthy Mother = Happy Baby. This state continues throughout a child’s growth after birth as children tend to mimic mother’s emotions always. Child psychologists insist on this particular aspect for emotionally healthier children. Children start their emotional learning at home and their mothers are the first teachers of emotional intelligence.
So it is important that mothers are happier at home. Many real life incidents do prove that in a family where father and mother fight in front of the child, they tend to sink within and have emotional issues later on in their relationships. Such children lack empathy and self awareness. They also lose their ability to create a happy and safe environment for the future generation.
But let’s not shift the blame entirely on mothers when a home is lacking happiness. It also depends on how a father affirms his place in a Family. And it is to be noted that his lessons on relationships comes from his familial situation When he was a child.
So the pattern that a child learns unconsciously has a huge impact on his views on relationships, social behaviour and his confidence. So it is important that a mother takes very good care of herself in order to create a lovely environment at home.
The following can help a mother to connect deeper with your children, spouse and in laws. In general these can help anyone to connect with oneself and others on a deeper level with oneself subsequently others.
Knowing your triggers
Shifting focus from situation
Ask for help
Listing these many would raise eyebrows. The immediate question that one asks for is my grandmother, my mother never had such a list! But why are you suggesting a list for my wife or myself alone! Times are changing. They had a different lifestyle and the current lifestyle is different. Tomorrow our daughter or son can come up with their own list of things based on their upbringing and lifestyle. So adaptive nature is the key that makes humans thrive happily on this planet.
A detail on each of the listed aspects for being a Happy Mother.
Being a mother is actually tiring physically and emotionally. Children are always in full energy. They learn new things everyday and so they have new questions and mother is their first resort to seek answers for all things. Denying their questions or scolding them for their questions is sending wrong messages to their brain on learning and questioning. To have a better frame of mind these 5 aspects could definitely help.
Exercise releases endorphins and it helps to combat pain. Not just that, after a workout of 30 minutes, sitting in silence closing your eyes for a minute or two would seal your refreshment for the entire day! One can literally feel the surge in energy after a workout. Try to connect with your baby just after the workout session. You will connect deeper and you will feel it! It really helps you to have a calm frame of mind. One of the most common emotions many mothers have is irritation because mothers are overwhelmed with endless things that they have to do for themselves, spouse, children and family. They do it with love but over time they feel tired and it is humane to feel bored and irritable at times. But with exercise irritation will be in one’s control. And one need not be in the control of emotions. As you observe you will realise that children will always be in high energy. To keep up with their pace exercise is the best option. Try exercising for 30 minutes and you will love the me time and also enjoy deeper connection with your baby and bae. It is not necessary that you have to hit the gym every time (during normal times not during quarantine). Simple stretches at home make things great. Or just play a song and do some zumba. It will be fun as you join with your spouse and children. Me time will beautifully unfold as our time and do not hesitate to make some beautiful memories.
Mothers, in specific working mothers find it difficult to juggle things! It’s certainly difficult to remember all things at once by a person. At the same time, the mind travels faster than lightning and it can make one tired. With journaling you can know where the thoughts are going. Once it comes to your awareness it is a lot easier to identify and sort which needs attention. So, one can easily prioritise on necessary and unnecessary emotions. There are numerous journaling techniques online and you can use your creativity to enhance the techniques. This will not only bring things to your awareness you will also feel it’s meditative.
Knowing your triggers
Most people, with respect to the post most mothers tend to react from their past. Their childhood experiences dominate their parenting. They tend to see their children with their vision. Sometimes it can go their way and sometimes it may fail. One needs to constantly remember that times are different. There are parents who tell their children that they will fail in a few things just because they do not know a particular aspect. Just because you failed it doesn’t mean that your child also should fail in that. Give them some chance or a time frame to try. One of the common things that parents pass on to their children are fears. Say for example going out alone. Parents transfer all their fears to children and it spoils the calming atmosphere at home. Teaching them how to be safe works but threatening them will not. Analyse yourself. Think about your childhood and know your pattern, what were your strengths and weaknesses. There are so many avenues to get to know yourself and your patterns. Knowledge about self is an important aspect in parenting. Take up personality tests online. If your childhood was harsh, never hesitate to seek help from therapists. Times are changing and there are more opportunities these days. If you had had many unhealed wounds, like abuse going for healing could help. Just try various means – personality tests, reiki healing, energy healing, pattern finding, etc. If you are interested have a look at the following link. He is a certified relationship and energy healer. https://human-connect.in/ The first one to one session is free. Register to heal yourself from your childhood traumas to be better at parenting. The best way to avoid triggers is to heal your wounds so that you wouldn’t pass your fears to your children. Knowing your triggers is the key to handle life in a better way.
Shifting focus from situations
As stated earlier, being a mother could be daunting emotionally. With work and endless chores, it can be difficult for mothers when things aren’t as expected. Example, A neat bed 24*7. Children may not follow all those you instruct them. Start with requesting. Tell with love. If they aren’t doing a day or two, do not yell. Do not take things to heart and lose your patience. Shift your focus from what you want it to be. Accept things how it is as such. Do not look for perfection from children. Teach them about cleanliness but do not be rough. Slowly but firmly just be. They will learn.
Ask for help
One of the greatest mistakes people make is, they think that asking help is a sign of weakness. Mark my words. NO. It is not a sign of weakness. It just means you are human. Only god can be all, in all and do all things. Even then one doesn’t feel his presence all the time. Shed the thought that only you can do things perfectly. Just take a break. Take rest by requesting others to do things for you. You need not do all household chores. You need not take care of the child all the time. Seek help from spouse, in laws. It is okay if things are slow. It is okay if things are not precise. Just chill and get your face mask or pedicure done.
Life is beautiful mommies. Enjoy. Try to do things wholeheartedly. If not able to do, do not be harsh on yourself. We are humans, moms. We are not superheroes or gods. As you realise that you are humans you will enjoy simple things more often and you will connect deeper with yourself, your spouse and your children. As you connect deeper, memories will be sweet.Just try from this Mother’s Day!
Be happy and you make happy memories and happy families. After all home is where the heart is!
This labour day, it’s a special tribute for all the doctors, sanitary workers, in general for all the front line warriors! This Conora is teaching various lessons especially in terms of discipline of cleanliness!
Take ‘Self-Hygiene’, it sounds fancy and cool. Thanks to phonetics. But it takes a huge amount of repetitive tasks to achieve the discipline. Ask yourself. How many of you felt bored or irritated when someone instructed to wash hands when you went to nearby shop to buy Essentials and came back? How many of you felt anger surging when someone asked you to close your mouth and cough? You would have argued at least once trying to prove that you do not have corona and why should one close mouth unnecessarily? How many felt lazy to wash hands after rubbing eyes? How many of you felt difficult wearing hand kerchief while stepping out to buy essentials?
It all seem simple. But could have felt Boring, irritating, lazy at least at one point. See the bigger picture behind it’s all for our safety still we find it difficult and want to lament about these steps which would save lives.
Think of the doctors, nurses, lab workers! Wearing PPE in scorching May. Chennai is humid and even imagining Nylon over skin one can feel the heat and itch. PPE over body is beyond imagination! In that dress, they can’t drink water! Again, it’s summer. Normally, doctors recommend to drink sufficient water to keep dehydration at bay. But now they are prone to corona, dehydration and stress of increasing corona cases! Above all their freedom of movement is restricted than the normal population. Self quarantine after working in Corona ward.
Next the sanitary workers. Even in normal days they deal with the waste of other people. Many people find it difficult at their own home to segregate the dry and wet waste; bio degradable and the non bio degradable wastes which is categorically their waste! Few people detest the work for the fact. But sometimes could see these people happily doing the cleaning process!
Then, the Police Department. They are prone to corona, stress, irritation of people who come out unnecessarily and often. Think about the direct sun that they are exposed to! Again the dehydration, sun stroke and what not!
Despite lock down, farmers and vendors toil to bring food for all, risking their lives to fill people’s stomach! If there is food on your table do not forget to thank a farmer and all who helped to bring it to you, just when you are hungry!
I find this International Labour Day more emotional! I hope many people also feel the same!
Whenever you go to kitchen take a glass of water, casually and drink to quench your thirst, remember how it would be for the fellow human being, being out there as a front line warrior controlling his thirst! As you happily pee, remember their urge to control the natural call! It’s a sacrifice beyond one could imagine! The only prayer that one could pray for all these first line, second line warriors is to wash hands, be socially distant and stay home! As we do these repetitively without succumbing to laziness, remember that we are actually helping, allowing the front line warriors to have a cup of water in the middle of work soon! And that could be the greatest thing you could do to your fellow dweller on this planet!
Wash hands! Stay save! Let the front line warriors drink water in their white coat soon!
Happy Indian Family salutes all Corona Warriors on International Labour Day!
With Love, Rukmini P Kirthivasan Happy Indian Family
“Most things are good, and they are the strongest things; but there are evil things too, and you are not doing a child a favor by trying to shield him from reality. The important thing is to teach a child that good can always triumph over evil.” –Walt Disney
The third post on #NoMoreMeToo. This is all about upbringing of children. One of the difficult and exhaustive one is parenting! Running behind the child for feeding, playing is exhaustive and as you see the child smiling at you, it is all worth it! The difference between the current and the yester generation is that, the yester generation grew up. With today’s technological developments, the current generation has to be brought up!
Years back, screen was an unknown element. Now it it is almost the way of life. There are new parenting glichtes and it all requires new techniques to handle the same.
What #MeToo or #NoMoreMeToo has with Upbringing?
Parents play a pivotal role in setting a good, safe environment for the children. So, it is the duty of every parent to have an eye on the child’s growth and curiosity.
At your home you may streamline, have a better routine, give an open space, cut the screen time or have no screen time at all for your child but other children may have different kind of parenting. So, one can control only what is in one’s control! Hence, making children understand on digital spaces, routine and private parts in essential. And to be honest the last one can feel awkward. Here, the post concentrates on the sexual talk.
Though awkward, it can happen through regular communication with children. Slowly can tell about what is good in touch, in seeing, in hearing. Because abuse can be of any form. Child Psychology says that even before they go to school, children would start to explore their bodies.
Many people speak about Adult-Child abuse but along with that child – child curiosity should also be addressed. No touching other than parents, grandparents should be the norm. Even if that is uncomfortable, there should be an open space to voice the same. Most young children will be curious about their bodies and also the bodies of children of opposite sex.
Similarly, When some other children seem to intrude in your children’s personal space, it is a must to speak with your child in an assuring way because only then the child would be open for communication in the coming years! Else the child would become secretive which could be dangerous for their growth, adding more trouble for us, the parents!
Even after all the precautions, when your child is subjected to threat or abuse, being calm and helping them divert their mindset will help them heal. Loving them unconditionally will help them lead a happy life. Till they understand that they will have a chance to explore sex with love, as a part of life, we as parents should be their fall backs. We have to build trust, a rock solid foundation. The child should believe that ‘Whatever happens when I tell my parents they will hear with calm mind’. Such a blind trust can make parenting easier! And the bond will be the strongest!
Treat children like plants! Allow them to blossom and grow. Take care and water them love and set the environment right. Because when a plant doesn’t grow, the environment should be fixed. It is not the plant’s fault after all! Positive parenting in communication, attitude, showing love is the key for winning our children’s hearts! Winning heart is a great deed. Winning children’s heart is an accomplishment to be cherished and a rare treasure!
With Love, Rukmini P Kirthivasan Happy Indian Family
This is the second post on Sexual assault awareness. The first one is on healing from traumatic past. This post concentrates on how to defend such an assault or abuse to reach the state of #NoMoreMeToo. The post mainly concentrates on teenagers.
Recently, have been speaking with few volunteers on self defense. This made me to do some research on the same. Came across the below quote on Self defense during the research. It gave me a whole new perspective of the issue in hand.
“Self Defense is not just a set of techniques; it is a state of mind and it begins with the belief that you are worth defending” – Rorion Gracie.
This quote revealed me that some people don’t even know that one can defend themselves from such an abuse or assault. That’s really concerning to know, realise and is worrisome upon understanding.
It’s time to take up self defense seriously and make it part of learning. Our girls should be taught skills on self defense. They should be taught that they are worth defending. They should also be taught the different forms of abuse. Sometimes abuse could be physical. Sometimes emotional. So, self defense should be holistic.
When I was a school going girl, there was this belief that girls who learn self defense would start losing their feminity! This is untrue. But it’s the duty of every parent to ensure that their Girls understand the difference of being a girl and using self defense without falling into the pit of fake feminism or becoming a Femi Nazi. It is all in teaching the balance.
Similarly parents should ensure that their Boys learn that girls are equals and not a threat for their success. Should teach them that masculinity doesn’t mean they are superior folks and can cause harm to girls. Should make them understand the need for personal space for themselves and respect the space of girls.
On a global scale, there should be a change in thought process from grass root levels on gender roles. Cooking, cleaning should be taught that these are life skills and gender doesn’t have a role to play. This will shift the chauvinism mindset to equality mindset.
There are some curious teenagers who would like to explore their own bodies and the bodies of opposite gender. This will be for children below ten as well. Which will be dealt in the next post. Here for the curious case, there should be an open space at home to ask questions about sex and body parts so that they don’t search them outside. Should tell and make them understand the roles of body parts and how sacred sex is! Having a friendly communication always with teens helps because that is the age they would get hooked in the confusion of love, lust, crush etc. Their puberty plays a crucial role.
With friendly communication, Teens would eventually realise that they will get a person who will put respect first, then understand each other, fall in love and they can become intimate. This will change their perspective of sex forever. Such children will ensure a happy family is created through and by them.
Apart from physical and emotional abuse, these days there is cyber abuse. Call it virtual but emotional. Physical can be defended. Emotional abuse need to be identified in the first place and then should strengthen one’s mind to not to fall prey for the same. Cyber abuse mostly happens when the trust on the virtual person is blind and when one hasn’t taken enough steps to know the online privacy settings.
Not just teenagers, even adults get caught on lust online without their knowledge when they do not have enough self love! Pollachi case and the recent tiktok cases are classic examples for the same. So new perspective and understanding required in sensitive matters with the advent of technology. Concentrating on Minute aspects and taking baby steps towards the same can help us in the long run in the upbringing of next gen people.
Let people understand that only with the balance in Yin and Yang energy a family can live happily. World’s saddest sight is to see our children suffer. Without being informed on sex and self defense our children will either suffer in silence or make others suffer in silence which spoils the liveliness of our families. When we fail to teach our boys on personal space and freedom we may fail to give good fathers for this society and when we fail to teach girls on self worth and self love, we fail to give bold and caring mothers to our society. We are in a responsible position to teach them the balance.
So, their self defense should include
Creating and protecting a personal, both physical and emotional space for themselves.
Teaching them that they should be treated well in any situation. Either when alone or when in groups, should be respected and treated the same way.
Making them understand that it is okay to tell No and retaliate when something defying their security is about to happen.
Self help is the best help.
Standing up for themselves
Through knowledge on online portals and using it with lot of modesty and with caution.
These would prepare their mind and they will be aware of such happenings and also know how to defend themselves in such situations and guard them.
As stated earlier, as we give a safe environment physically, emotionally, psychologically for our children they in turn will create happy families when they grow up!
April is Sexual assault awareness month! So I thought of penning down on #NoMoreMeToo in a brief series. Part one is about the healing process that is essential for anyone with traumatic past. Please read the part 1 here and let me know your thoughts on healing.
Over an year #MeToo has given so much awareness on sexual assault and abuse. It has spoken about the pain of all victims. Though all haven’t spoken out, people like Chinmayi Sripadha have been an inspiration to speak out the pains and wounds and that has made a huge impact in the mind set of people! At least few girls have mustered up some courage to voice their discomfort without any guilt.
The post is about healing after a traumatic incident. It has few tips to handle oneself after such a terrible incident! Disclaimer: I am no medical expert in counseling. The post is intended to create awareness only.
When it comes to sexual assault, don’t know why the victim feels bad but the offender is guilt free and a free bird. The offender in general has an upper hand, able to boldly dictate terms to the victim. It is because of the fear of the victim and the thought that the victim has committed a mistake, such happenings continue. This being sexual assault awareness month, it’s time to become aware of the victim mindset and change it for good. Time to become empowered.
Running from oneself when emotions come up after an assault is going to make things worse for victims. One needs to sit and process all the emotions that come up after an assault. For few it would be triggered time and again and would haunt people beyond imagination. If you are an adult and you have terrific past, start your healing journey.
The incident could be random in bus and was not able to spot the person. The offender is someone you know but he had died. But you are still suffering in silence. This is like being splashed by drainage water by a speeding car on road as you walk. Though it’s his mistake, we got to clean ourselves for our sanity. If you leave the dirt unwashed, you have to scratch and clean for a longer time. Healing is the only way not to lick the wound longer. Forgiveness is the key. It could be hard but this is worth as it costs your peace and you would stop trembling once and for all.
So, empowering oneself after a traumatic past one needs a lot of courage to face oneself. The following could help in your healing journey.
Being your journey with crying out. Feel all those emotions. And in the process remember that the mistake is not yours.
Give some time to grieve.
Talk to your loved ones.
Pamper yourself like you would take care of your child after it fell on the ground and is hurt.
If you feel it’s pressing beyond what you can handle, seek professional help!
If you fear of being judged, talk to unknown persons through forums.
Above all, take care of your body. It would store the memories longer than one can imagine.
Journal and heal. The difficult emotions will leave you gradually.
Remember your worth. You are worthy of peace and happiness. With positive self talk, good amount of self love, being bold, one can slowly become empowered.
#NoMoreMeToo in real sense means not just no more traumatic incidents. It also means healing completely from such incidents and not trembling anymore. Remember scars do heal not just wounds.
Let’s create a better place for our children. In the process remember to heal your inner child as well! Because to have a happy environment at home one has to be happy and subsequently radiate happiness.
Together let’s create a better tomorrow!
More love to one and all!
Regards, Rukmini P Kirthivasan Happy Indian Family
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born. – Dale Turner
This day, the start of Solar Calendar. It is celebrated all across India in various names! Though we are physically distant, could feel everyone is praying for each others’ well being and wishing that normalcy to be restored soon. This pandemic is new to this century! No standard operating procedures and no prior crisis handling experience for people of this century! So let’s be with the Government, stay at our place, follow what ever is said!
Stay Home. Stay Safe and lets make our happy Indian families healthier. Because when health is lost something is definitely lost! Being locked down let’s dream and imagine about a bright future! Start small with imagining a normal day, plan for your dream trip. Just by this passing phase let’s not stop our imagination. Think about what all can go right. This can help to have a good mental health.
This is a new beginning and let’s believe that tomorrow will be a better day!
Happy Indian Family wishes all a very Happy New Year. 😊
With Love, Rukmini P Kirthivasan Happy Indian Family
For the past few days the buzzing word all around the globe is ‘Corona’. The news is everywhere. Fake news are equally spreading. And more than the virus, panic is all around. The thing that is seen is people getting lost in panic and they aren’t concentrating on precautions. To put it in a better fashion there are more reactions to each of the posts on Facebook and innumerable whats app messages but when it comes to action it’s zero.
Two days back I went out to buy essentials to a shop. People had been discussing on the virus outbreak. As the discussion continued; various comments and suggestions came up. There was this comment. “Nambha Ooru la lam Koozh aanalum Kulithu Kudi, Kandhai Aanalum Kasaki kattu apidi dhan solluvanga. [There are proverbs which says one has to have a bath even if he/she is having only porridge and wash clothes and wear even if they are torn.] Now this virus has come and teaching us the same.” And that particular man coughed with no handkerchief or tissue and did not cover his mouth. Next person spoke about cleanliness. “Sutham Soru Podum nu andha kalathulayae solli vechurukanga”. [Cleanliness serves food on table.] He coughed covering his mouth just with hands and then he started packing things for another customer. And together they were mocking the coughing ringtone.
Next I was at a medical store to grab my hand sanitizer. A lady came and asked the pharmacist for a cough syrup which is around 40 Rs. The pharmacist said all cough syrups are above 50 Rs. Coughing she left the place telling ‘Na enna Pannuven’. Was in Q to pay and before could ask her to go to Primary health center or ask for her whereabouts she vanished. (2 other people tried to get to know about her as well).
So, are we really getting the lessons from this communicable disease?? It is teaching us personal hygiene. It is not about whether ‘Tamilan oru ariviyal munnodi’ [Tamilians are the forerunners of Science] or not. That is not the debate now. It is all about how he is now. The same person who keeps his home clean doesn’t help the society with his solid waste management. The same person who speaks about personal hygiene serves food with the right hand as he is eating in group. Note: Without spoon, I say. The same person who is proud of his great grandfathers for their personal hygiene doesn’t wash legs after using the restroom or clean the place where he ate spitting curry leaves.
This is the current situation. Many research analysts fear the repeat of 1918 flu which hit us in two phases. One affecting sick and elderly; in second phase affecting the young and dynamic ones. It is time to get the lessons of personal hygiene right.
And one of the major drawbacks is with older people. It is hard to convince them with personal hygiene. They say “Enaku Onnum Varardhu. Andha kalathula sanitizer vecha kaikazhuvinen. Ennala andha virus ku edhuvum aagama irundha seri”. [I wouldn’t get this. Did I use sanitizer before? Wish the virus escapes from me.] So could see the preparedness level with these people. The population using internet is less. It’s high time Govt educate all with campaigns and it is individual responsibility to take care of oneself and cooperate with Govt. We are in dire need of sanitizers, disinfectants in public places. Please spray disinfectants as you do for mosquitoes.
With precautions, health care facilities won’t run out. If not it could be a problem for all of us. Let’s be safe and let others be safe as well. Take care of yourself and take care of your families. And remember together we are one big family.
Happy Indian Family advises all to take necessary precautions and educate your local people who have no idea about the internet.
With the love marriage, arranged marriage survey; followed by the statistics and newer definitions of arranged marriage, it is clear that people are changing and the idea of marriage is evolving too. While doing the research on arranged marriage, came across this definition called semi-arranged marriage. This seems the best option these days. Before discussing why to opt for semi arranged marriage let’s see what is the major draw back in the arranged marriage process.
The draw back in arranged marriage process can be deciphered just with this single scene from Ilaiyathalapathi’s movie, Thuppakki. After the massive hero introduction song, he is directly kidnapped to the bride’s place by his parents. Kajal Agarwal comes in beautiful vaadamalli colour self bordered silk saree with a contrast ramar Pachai blouse, neatly plaited long hair, flowers kept in an orderly fashion, elegant pearl neck pieces. She is absolutely stunning. After the pleasantries it’s just bajji sojji eating ceremony and the usual ‘I will call and let you know’ dialogue. Even before anything is finalized Vijay is labelled as ‘Mappillai’ by Mano Bala.
This is what happens in every household in India. People easily get into the conclusions. Kajal Agarwal is bold, beautiful, she exactly fits into the image of the wife that Vijay has in mind. But those two were never allowed to strike a conversation.
Following the bajji sojji ceremony in the movie, he calls and says he doesn’t like the bride. Kudos to him as he at least takes one decision of rejection rather being a two timer. And Kajal Agarwal just undergoes a massive transformation in her attitude. There too she looks stunning in shorts and pink sleeveless tops with a stole around the neck and free short hair. In the subsequent frames Vijay learns that she is a boxer and isn’t as traditional as she looked that day! And she develops a grudge as he rejected her.
He chases her there after and they fall in love. Had there been a chance for a normal conversation about likes, dislikes; alone in a coffee shop with just the two of them, it would have been a smooth sailing. At least on the terrace. Even before when things are finalized, jumping into conclusions, having a snack ceremony is a headache practically. People feel odd when things don’t go the right way. They feel the efforts are wasted and it causes a lot of tension. There is more pressure in the subsequent alliances.
When a guy and a girl are not allowed to talk before marriage there could be numerous misunderstandings later. ‘Arranged Marriage’ is absolutely tricky. People are not allowed to have a chat but just after marriage in 10 months, people expect grandchildren. This aspect is terrifying rather annoying.
While there are numerous thoughts, comments on looks like ‘Beauty is just skin deep’, not sure how in a marriage, people aren’t allowed for a chat which speaks about their basic likes and dislikes, non negotiables, core values etc. We can see parents telling their son/daughter “I never talked to your father/mother. Haven’t we sailed through?”. This is a kind of awkward question. We have to make them understand the importance of striking a conversation for the following reasons.
Their core values and yours could not match. Things like veg-non veg differences, drinking habits may create havoc in relationships. These had to be sorted well ahead before getting into relationships. And yes of course about past/ present relationships if you are in one.
Expectations to be discussed to avoid assumptions.Some people like their wife to be independent. If they are clingy people can’t take it. They can speak and let their spouses know the expectations well ahead. Same with girls. They also could have preferences like getting help from husband in household chores.
Sometimes for no reason some people could get a ‘Something is missing’ feel. Do not neglect this cue. Think. Think and think. Give yourself the benefit of doubt. Your body may give some signs, note them. They will not lie. Believe in yourself. Know yourself more before falling for someone.
She or He could be your dream partner. You can fall in love slowly but know that he/she is the one. Don’t miss that chance. Not having a conversation could instill doubts in a relationship. Clear the air with confidence.
So, having a conversation is like ‘A stitch in time saves nine’. But be open. Accept rejections but do not take them personally. Such meetings tell a lot about people. It also shows what you think about yourself after a rejection. Keep working on yourself. More posts to come on the Importance of working on oneself for a relationship.
Semi Arranged marriages is where one can know more about oneself than others. Convince parents to have a good conversation. It can save loads of time and energy.
As Sujatha says “Tamilnadu vae cinema la muzhgi iruku sir”. Give them this particular example from Thuppaki to your parents and convince them to have a conversation in the marriage process. You can save a lot of time and energy by asking the right questions and getting the right answers.
Best wishes! We are here to be and create Happy Families by discovering ourselves! 🙂